To Bring Henry or Not To Bring Henry? (Advice welcome)
I’m so indecisive (if you haven’t guessed—it’s Ellen writing). We are beside ourselves about the whole not taking Henry with us/taking Henry with us thing. So we are welcoming your thoughts.
The No side of things: The adoption agency discourages it. They say it’s busy enough and difficult enough without an extra child along. There’s lots of waiting in lines at the U.S. Embassy in Delhi—for a couple of days. Our parents worry that he’ll get sick while he’s there. I worry about him not having anything to eat because I don’t know what to expect—he doesn’t eat meat and he doesn’t eat much that is unfamiliar to him. And it’s expensive to travel to India and we may not be able to afford it. We would also have some time just with Tess, probably the only time like that.
The Yes side of things: It would be a once-in-a-lifetime family bonding time. He would have a chance to be a part of it all which I think is important since his life is about to change quite a bit. I wouldn’t be worried out of my mind the two weeks we’re traveling—I’ve only been apart from him at the most for two nights when I went to Vermont and even then, he was with Luke. He wants to go, even if he doesn’t know what that means. And every day for a week he’s said to me, “Mommy, I love you. Don’t ever leave me.” Gee, how could I leave him?
Okay, bring it on—all of your sage advice, every one of you. Even if you are someone who stumbled onto this site and I don’t know you. And especially if you’ve traveled to India before (or live in India! Like Snigda’s niece—hint, hint).
posted by Luke and Ellen at Wednesday, December 20, 2006
5 Comments:
I say he stays here. You journal the whole experience to share with him. He meets you in St. Louis or N.Y.C or wherever. But if you choose to Take him to india, maybe you can take someone with you just to hang out and play with Henry (your niece?). More money, yes. But all important people would be there (your niece was even there when Luke proposed). Just some ideas- I'm so excited!
Well, now even I am confused. I see both sides of the argument. I personally would worry so much @ what might happen with him here and if this were in the summer, I (auntie) would be so much more available to help out or if cousin Lauren were in a position to go and help too as we talked about once. Any contacts in India that could help out while there? This really is tougher to think through when you have to consider food, entertainment, travel, standing in lines. If you decide to leave him, we'll take a long weekend and help mom and dad out along the way. This was no help was it??? Melissa
Having traveled overseas with young kids, though only to Spain, I would advise against taking Henry. Long-distance travel in itself was overwhelming for my kids, and after arriving their discomfort at being in such a foreign environment (even though they have family there) compounded their reluctance to eat unusual foods. The first time we went my oldest, at 6 yrs, wouldn't even eat some familiar foods, like kiwi!
Mine may be a little freakish, but I'd be willing to bet that most kids would be uncomfortable in such a situation. And when you add in all the other factors under the No column, it seems clear to me.
I know that this is a tough decision for you...and I definitely understand. I am going to suggest that Henry stays home but I feel as though I can say this from experience. As much as you want to share this time w/ Henry, it will be so important for you to have this "Tess" time with just you, Luke and your new baby daughter. When we adopted Matthew, I did not realize how much I cherished the 2 1/2 weeks we had together in Oklahoma. It was as if this was our hospital stay (a bit longer) but it gave Brad and I the chance to bond just w/ Matthew. I feel that your time in India will be even more important for Tess since she is anmost 1 yr. She will need quality time to bond with her Mommy and Daddy. Please do not misunderstand that I am not taking into account Henry's role as the adoring big brother and your concerns about him being part of the process. The trip to India is a difficult one, and it will be trying for him just as it will be for you. I promise you that he will adapt quickly to your homcoming and will feel very secure that when you bring Tess home that his entire family is "finally" altogther. I am so thrilled for all of you, and I love you lots!
First let me say that I love your site, so thanks for letting me join in your excitement---OK-leave Henry home. India is not the easiest place and you will have more than you can handle on your plate. It is dirty, busy, full of disease and why do you want to make problems for yourself while bonding with a new daughter?
I love you,
Aunt Barbara Meyer
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